Sunshine's prayer

Sunshine’s prayer

My best friend sent me the sweetest message today and it made me so thankful. I'm one of those "mother's day and father's day is a hallmark money holiday, lets celebrate our parents everyday" type of woman. But everyone doesn't think like me: shocker!

Today I wasn’t going to write anything, but then I remembered a close friend who lost her dad recently and it hit me that this was her first year without her father. I remembered the son not speaking to his father. And I also remembered the girl who never knew her dad. 

I know there are many people out there who may have lost a father recently or years ago. To you who lost your father, never knew your father, or doesn’t speak to your father, here’s my prayer for you out there and my dear friend D:

Dear lord,

Today I pray for that person reading this,

Who on this day can only think of the loss/lack of a father

I don't know them all but you lord know every single hair on our heads so you know them all and everything about them.

 You blessed me with loved ones who pray for me, and I realize that's not the case for all, so I pray for them.

Father, I also pray for those who never had a father

Fill their hearts with love, peace, and joy

Take away anger, jealousy, and hurt from this day

Restore the love and respect between sons and fathers

Restore the love and respect between daughters and fathers

Lord they say “The first man a woman typically loves is her father…faults and all.” Help us, sons and daughters, to love our parents, faults and all.

Last lord, help us to continue to honor our fathers and mothers

On and mostly OFF the Internet

 So that we may live long like you word says.

Thank you for being our healer, redeemer, and savior.

Amen.

Treasure the memories and enjoy this day. If it means logging off social media, spending time alone, it's ok you're allowed. Just don't stay in a funk.

“The fatherless- they find their rest at the sound of your great name”- Natalie Grant

The quarter life crisis I didn’t have

"I know who I am. I love who I am. I like what I do, and I like how I do it. I like my mistakes and I like the pace at which I learn from my mistakes. I don't want to be anybody else but me, and by knowing this, I want to CONTINUE figuring out who the hell I am."- Zoe Saldana

     Recently, I celebrated a friends’ twenty-fifth and it took me back to my twenty-fifth. I always imagined the day I turn twenty-five I’d have an epiphany and it would be this amazing day: it WAS! What’s funny is, it happened way before that day came.

I flew home a week before my birthday for my best friends wedding, which was a few days before my birthday and my siblings’. On the night of the wedding rehearsal I had to attend one brother’s surprise birthday dinner, but before going I stopped at my other best friends house. We had a glass of wine, talked, laughed, and after half an hour, along with her mom we headed to my brothers’ birthday surprise.

When we arrived at the restaurant, a table full of 20+ friends and family yelled “SURPRISE!!” Oh how confused I WAS! When I realized what was going on, and that this was MY party I remembered the amazing New Year of blessings that was ahead with these beautiful souls starring at me. For an introvert I was quite the extrovert this night. I’ve never understood that dichotomy because well…I’m both- an ambivert.

“Oh, you’re twenty-five? You’re a quarter century dead”, “oh honey welcome to the quarter crisis” is all I’ve heard people say to those who turn twenty-five.  Yes, twenty-six is knocking at me but I can tell you there is something exciting about twenty-five that I can’t explain. So, to my buddy (and you) turning twenty-five:

One year on my birthday one of my brothers said to me “Today is YOUR new year, not Jan 1st, so happy new year!” That has always stuck with me. I have been through a lot of things, made mistakes and learned some harsh lessons. I’ve also made some good, crazy-in a good way-life changing decisions.

Twenty-four was a very good year but personally my most challenging year; I learned a lot about myself. I don’t do New Year resolutions or resolutions period. If you did: Be great. If you messed up: stand up until you get it right.

“One thing I know for sure - there are no lifestyle rules that come with age, my lifestyle is mine, it’s what makes me who I am and it’s not changing just because I’m another year older and it won’t change when I’m 90.”

 I hear a lot of people my age or older saying, “I should be doing this”, “my parents were well in their careers at this age”, “my friends are married, have kids…” etc. I didn’t know it was a race. Listen, what I want now is not what I’ll want in a few years, what I’ll want in a few years is not what I’ll want in 10 and so on.

One thing I admire about our times is that we can do things differently. In the past two years I have met women my age (and younger) with nonprofits, businesses, and at the top. I work and interact with some very smart and talented people; I am constantly picking their brains. Stagnation is scary, it's one of my biggest fears.

“The principle of utility. Our actions have consequences, and those consequences count. The best decisions have good consequences.”- John Mill. I know my outcome is destined to be different so my focus will be different than my parents, siblings, and friends. I want them proud of me but my passion is different and on another level.

Life is different from what our elders experienced when they were our age. Don’t compare your life to others, make good decisions and the outcome will be great. We are all on a different promise path from God, your lane is different: stay in it.  Potential time is done for me. I am at the beginning of achieving my potential; I’m in my lane.

Don’t get me wrong I still have questions; I didn’t have a birthday and figure out life. Honestly, I put pressure on myself more than anyone could. There’s more I want to learn/do, people to meet, hobbies/places to discover, etc. I’ve had some amazing experiences/internships, went to grad school, vacationed, won (and lost) music competitions, etc. but there’s more vacations, experiences, failures, doctorates…yes another degree.

I have two big questions when it comes to my purpose and me as a person. My purpose I ask: “What’s next? How do I get there and put myself on?”, “What should I read/watch to educate myself? Who should I reach out to? Or not.” These aren’t questions because I’m unsatisfied but it’s me walking into my purpose. I ask other people this too, even if I agree with them, because I want to learn.

I have some huge accomplishments to attain; my brain is on 100 all the time. I’m ok with not being where my parents/role models are but I’d like to get close. That’s a scary promise to myself but when I want something it will get done.

My last question, to me as a person, I ask: “Is this the life you want to live? Is this the person you want to love? Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More compassionate? Decide”- @thegoodquote. Wherever you are in life ask yourself questions, conclude, and act on it alone. You’re not alone just do the basics alone, and involve those that matter when its time to put in work.

Xoxo,

Laini.

"My one phrase, ten years ago"

    

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     “Si tu pouvais dire une phrase a la personne que tu etais il y a 10 ans, que lui dirais-tu?” One of my cousins, asked me this question this week: “If you could tell the person that you were 10 years ago one phrase, what would it be?” This question seems like such a simple question but it’s amazing how hard it is to answer. Even the few people who I asked couldn’t answer.  This question really made me think and I decided to get opinions from people aged 25+. Below are some of the answers I received; they may be helpful as you think about how this applies to you:

1)   “J’aurais voulu faire un Erasmus. Un voyage dans un autres pays. Pour apprendre les langues” (I would’ve done an Erasmus. A trip to another country to learn a language)- Christelle, 24

2)   “Make it count. Make everyday an opportunity that counts, because they are not promised and are taken for granted” –Chastity, 30

3)   “Don’t be afraid to walk away. Don’t waste time holding onto things and people that in 5 years you look back and just wonder ‘what was I thinking’?”-Lulu, 27

4)   “Get ready. Just get ready for life and the things that come with it. You always hear about the “real world” and college but you will never know what it’s about until you experience both”-Stephane, 24

5)   " Decide to take responsibility for your own life. In life you’re either listening to the radio or you create your own playlist- meaning when you’re listening to the radio, someone else is determining what you’re listening to but when you decide to create your own playlist you decide your attitude and can create your future”-Rickey, 26

6)   “Think before you act. I acted before thinking with a lot of decisions I made, and although they’ve made me who I am today, I think a lot of the stuff I’ve been through could have been avoided had I just stopped to think about what I should do.”- Erica, 28

7)   “Invest more into your future, try harder to be your best and take more risks”- Richie, 25

8)   “Take your own advice”- Deja, 26
9) " It's better to look back and say 'I can't believe I did that,' than to look back and say 'I wish I did that'"- Dom, 24

10)  “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. I stayed in my comfort zone a lot when I was younger. It was safer and it didn’t make me try harder. I just did the bare minimum.”- Laini, 25

     10 years ago I wouldn’t have thought ethically about any of my actions or decisions. But I do today. We can’t always control what happens to us but we can control how we react to things. Mill’s Greatest Happiness Principle focuses on happiness as the ultimate outcome. Ten years ago I didn’t focus on the outcome, not because I was being careless, I was just taking everyday one at a time- I still do to a certain extent. One person to whom I asked this question took their time getting back to me and the outcome was not what I expected- probably not what he did either. “Drae you're right, there is so much more to life than this. Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and explore, you will make it, and you're going be a better man in the future. You can live without her, and without those people who try and manipulate you. Your destiny is not tied to other people but to God alone. It's good that you went back to school even if you didn't graduate, you improved yourself, your thinking, and even the quality of your life is different because you chose to do what you needed for yourself. Drae you're going experience great hurt and loss in your life all within a 5yr span: you will lose your job, your best friend/brother, all 3 of your grandparents, your friend, and your marriage will fail. You will be setback for a few years unable to cope while on the outside no one will ever know the depth of disappointment you carry. You will become like your old self again, just angry and hurtful to people not caring about life itself. BUT God will change your situation and won't leave you broken. He will mend your heart over time; he will connect you with new friends, and great people to uplift you forming new relationships to grow in your life. The sun shines again, you’ll regain faith and happiness, and it's all for His glory and your development. Those musical dreams you're wanting right now will happen in abundance and you will have many opportunities come your way. Your love/passion for your musical gift will put you before great people. What you're praying about now comes later, don't give up... Smile everyday knowing you're on the right track, I'm proud of you!!”- Andrae, 33. 

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To you reading this, my prayer is that what God put in you be greater than what the world has set in front of you. That 10 years from now, you’re wiser, better, stronger and content. That your ultimate outcome be: happiness.        “...the ultimate end…(whether we are considering our own good or that of other people), is an existence exempt as far as possible from pain, and as rich as possible in enjoyments, both in point of quantity and quality…” (John Stuart Mill, 1863)

Xoxo,

Laini Kay.

NYC Book Launch of Turn On The Lights 

     “It doesn’t matter what cards your dealt, the only thing that matters is how you play the hand”.  “Turn on the lights: So You Can See” is a self-help book written by Latisha Robb, . On Thursday April 24th, Robb celebrated her debut of her book with a private book release party at Toshi’s Living Room & Penthouse in New York City. Celebrity friend and Grammy-nominated R&B artist J. Holiday, who is an endorser for her book supported Robb by celebrating and performing from his new album "Guilty Conscience". Other celebrities who were in attendance and have endorsements come from award-winning artist “Gangsta Boo” aka Lola Mitchell of Three6 Mafia/Mafia6, and two-time Grammy-nominated Torica (R&B/Pop Artist).

“Being raised by a single mom, I had to read this book. And like

My mom’s story, this story is one of a survivor. One of a woman that 

Just wouldn’t take no for an answer and wanted the best for her and her children.

Turn on the lights! No one likes walking in the dark. Definitely a self-help handbook.

A must read.”

J Holiday performed his new single "Incredible" with a live band "Busy Signal"Onee Gil (Piano), Odane Wilby (Acoustic Guitar), Kyle Penceal (Bass) and J Griffin (Drums) 

     Latisha Robb, a US Navy Veteran, is a strong woman who faced adversity with family and overcame an abusive relationship filled with violence and drugs. In a room full of her friends and media personalities, Latisha shared that this book is supposed to turn on the lights in our minds, "The light switches in this book are my realizations...when a person is armed with knowledge, they have priceless power that can be harnessed and used for the best. "  This book is a self-help book to help show you how to be the light in dark times. Celebrities and media personalities enjoyed the night with drinks by Cayrum and SX Liquors and some good music.

Latisha Robb and I holding her book and a bottle of SX Liquors

     Aristotle’s gold mean focuses on the actor; every special media guest and friend that was in attendance came to support Latisha because this was her night and they wanted to get to know HER. She worked the room talking to everyone, taking pictures, dancing, and enjoying her day. It made me realize how her friends loved her and bloggers, PR professionals, marketers, etc support her. By her thank you speech, her energy, and that constant smile that never left her face, I was convinced that she had had a successful night and proud of what she had accomplished. Mills Utility Principle focuses on the outcome; Ms. Robb’s outcome for this night is the beginning of future success in her endeavors. I can’t wait to see what else she has in store!

“Turn on the Lights” book launch was sponsored in part by Cayrum, T.Morrison Agency, JSquared Magazine, Toshi's, and Egami Consulting Group.

PS: Thank you to my friend Jason at JSquared Magazine for the invite and my dear friend Abby for coming with me!

Xoxo,

Laini

The ethics of maintaining and identifying identity

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After reading the article “A hoax, a suicide- a journalistic dilemma” by Roy Malone, Pokin and the Journal were ethically justified in maintaining the neighbor’s privacy because they wanted to shield the neighbors from the outrage of the public. When looking at ethical principles, Mill’s utility Principle focuses on the outcome and that is what Pokin and the Journal did.  Pokin and the Journal called it “a judgment call” to protect the neighbors from the public. If they had revealed the names who knows what could have happened? Although the names were later revealed, by them not revealing the names right after the incident it gave the public time to calm down (a little bit).

While I agree with Pokin and the Journal, I’d like to make a case for why the Post was ethically justified in identifying the neighbor.  To me the Post revealed the neighbor as a safety issue. They wanted the other parents and kids in that neighborhood to be aware of who their neighbor was. It’s like we hear often, sexual offenders are required to register as sexual offenders so that community they live in is aware. It’s the same thing here; the Post was concerned about the ethical principle of communitarianism (community interests trump individual interest in quest for social justice).

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Of the two ethical justifications discussed above, I find the first (maintaining the neighbor’s identity) to be more compelling. I agree with both equally (maintaining and identifying) but I can see why maintaining that information in this case can be more efficient. As the public, we tend to want to take matters into our own hands sometimes, and if the neighbor had been revealed right after the incident I believe an outrage could of broken out and harm could’ve been done. If something had happened we’d then be feel responsible and hold Pokin and the Journal responsible, which wouldn’t be fair. I agree that things like this that affect the community should be made known to everyone, but I also believe in letting the law take over (even if we don’t agree with their decision). And at the end of the day, we should also respect the families of both the victim and the neighbor.

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Another alternative to justify exposing the neighbor’s identity would be Aristotle’s Golden Mean in ethical principles, of focusing on the actor. When you read this article all parties, the Post, Pokin and the Journal, wanted to focus on the neighbor. Pokin and the Journal decided not to reveal not only because of what the public would do but also because they wanted the law to handle it. The Post who did reveal the neighbor, wanted to remind them that even though they were not convicted on anything they played a part in something tragic and needed to be held responsible somehow. By being identified it didn’t just let the public know, now their friends, and family also knew who they were and what they were capable of.  

Companies use ads to tell your secrets

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After reading the article “How Target figured out a teen girl was pregnant before her father did” you start to question and wonder, "What happened to the code of ethics here?" This kind of data analyzing is cause for ethical concern. Target is definitely on a “no boundary” movement by prying into people’s lives like this. Even with saying they are “studying those details to figure out what you like, what you need, and which coupons are most likely to make you happy” in the end they are being invasive. This becomes unethical because now you are getting into people’s personal lives and causing problems. This is a happy time for women and they want to share that news, not have Target or another retailer do it for them. They have the right idea in creating helpful ways to make this process easier but they are going about it the wrong way. 

This type of marketing is cause for ethical concern because they are abusing the safeguarding of private and confidential information, like credit card, name, or mailing address. Most retailers save that information to send you deals and update you on new items, not categorize you and start sending you coupons because of what they “think” you want to receive. As a consumer I wont sign up for anything, not only at Target, but anywhere else because I lost trust in the company. By singling out pregnant women it makes them a target and companies should not be singling their customers out. I find it unethical that that’s the one group they could focus on. They could have had ads for just women, women who work out, men, children, etc but they chose a specific group: pregnant women. 

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The Target manager’s ethical obligation was to apologize on behalf of the company “The manager apologized and then called a few days later to apologize again.” I believed he fulfilled his obligation, especially when he called again after the first apology. Although the manager didn’t exactly know and was confused by the fathers outrage, he is the face of the company and still has to take the blame. The manager showed communitarianism because he knew his company was wrong and there was an angry father/customer out there. He also showed emotion by caring. If he did not care he would not have called back this angry customer. He cares about his job and his customers.

Target’s ad mixing of coupon books is still unethical because they still tried to get these pregnant women to buy by getting “sneakier” and making the baby ads random by mixing ads. If Target knows that looking up your first date on Google or Facebook is “stalking” and “creeps people out” (which it does by the way), why get “sneakier” and let these women believe it’s random? To me, this only means they are fully aware that what they are doing is wrong, which is why they even declined NY Times writer Charles Duhigg access to their headquarters and were against his article. 

Advertisers and PR practitioners are supposed to help build trust between companies and customers: this does not do that. Some more values in the code of ethics for PR professionals are to “protect confidential and private information” and “work to strengthen the public’s trust in the profession”. Target used private information to create these coupons, and they lost the public’s trust. In Bok’s ethical decision-making process, Target can find another way that is acceptable to achieve this goal of trying to reach pregnant women. Not every woman getting pregnant is a teen girl who doesn’t tell her father, there are some grown responsible women out there anxious to tell their loved ones, and target shouldn’t take that away with coupons targeted at them because “target knows before it shows”. The excitement of pregnancy starts in announcing, no one should take that away! 

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