The quarter life crisis I didn’t have

"I know who I am. I love who I am. I like what I do, and I like how I do it. I like my mistakes and I like the pace at which I learn from my mistakes. I don't want to be anybody else but me, and by knowing this, I want to CONTINUE figuring out who the hell I am."- Zoe Saldana

     Recently, I celebrated a friends’ twenty-fifth and it took me back to my twenty-fifth. I always imagined the day I turn twenty-five I’d have an epiphany and it would be this amazing day: it WAS! What’s funny is, it happened way before that day came.

I flew home a week before my birthday for my best friends wedding, which was a few days before my birthday and my siblings’. On the night of the wedding rehearsal I had to attend one brother’s surprise birthday dinner, but before going I stopped at my other best friends house. We had a glass of wine, talked, laughed, and after half an hour, along with her mom we headed to my brothers’ birthday surprise.

When we arrived at the restaurant, a table full of 20+ friends and family yelled “SURPRISE!!” Oh how confused I WAS! When I realized what was going on, and that this was MY party I remembered the amazing New Year of blessings that was ahead with these beautiful souls starring at me. For an introvert I was quite the extrovert this night. I’ve never understood that dichotomy because well…I’m both- an ambivert.

“Oh, you’re twenty-five? You’re a quarter century dead”, “oh honey welcome to the quarter crisis” is all I’ve heard people say to those who turn twenty-five.  Yes, twenty-six is knocking at me but I can tell you there is something exciting about twenty-five that I can’t explain. So, to my buddy (and you) turning twenty-five:

One year on my birthday one of my brothers said to me “Today is YOUR new year, not Jan 1st, so happy new year!” That has always stuck with me. I have been through a lot of things, made mistakes and learned some harsh lessons. I’ve also made some good, crazy-in a good way-life changing decisions.

Twenty-four was a very good year but personally my most challenging year; I learned a lot about myself. I don’t do New Year resolutions or resolutions period. If you did: Be great. If you messed up: stand up until you get it right.

“One thing I know for sure - there are no lifestyle rules that come with age, my lifestyle is mine, it’s what makes me who I am and it’s not changing just because I’m another year older and it won’t change when I’m 90.”

 I hear a lot of people my age or older saying, “I should be doing this”, “my parents were well in their careers at this age”, “my friends are married, have kids…” etc. I didn’t know it was a race. Listen, what I want now is not what I’ll want in a few years, what I’ll want in a few years is not what I’ll want in 10 and so on.

One thing I admire about our times is that we can do things differently. In the past two years I have met women my age (and younger) with nonprofits, businesses, and at the top. I work and interact with some very smart and talented people; I am constantly picking their brains. Stagnation is scary, it's one of my biggest fears.

“The principle of utility. Our actions have consequences, and those consequences count. The best decisions have good consequences.”- John Mill. I know my outcome is destined to be different so my focus will be different than my parents, siblings, and friends. I want them proud of me but my passion is different and on another level.

Life is different from what our elders experienced when they were our age. Don’t compare your life to others, make good decisions and the outcome will be great. We are all on a different promise path from God, your lane is different: stay in it.  Potential time is done for me. I am at the beginning of achieving my potential; I’m in my lane.

Don’t get me wrong I still have questions; I didn’t have a birthday and figure out life. Honestly, I put pressure on myself more than anyone could. There’s more I want to learn/do, people to meet, hobbies/places to discover, etc. I’ve had some amazing experiences/internships, went to grad school, vacationed, won (and lost) music competitions, etc. but there’s more vacations, experiences, failures, doctorates…yes another degree.

I have two big questions when it comes to my purpose and me as a person. My purpose I ask: “What’s next? How do I get there and put myself on?”, “What should I read/watch to educate myself? Who should I reach out to? Or not.” These aren’t questions because I’m unsatisfied but it’s me walking into my purpose. I ask other people this too, even if I agree with them, because I want to learn.

I have some huge accomplishments to attain; my brain is on 100 all the time. I’m ok with not being where my parents/role models are but I’d like to get close. That’s a scary promise to myself but when I want something it will get done.

My last question, to me as a person, I ask: “Is this the life you want to live? Is this the person you want to love? Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More compassionate? Decide”- @thegoodquote. Wherever you are in life ask yourself questions, conclude, and act on it alone. You’re not alone just do the basics alone, and involve those that matter when its time to put in work.

Xoxo,

Laini.