Sunshine's prayer

Sunshine’s prayer

My best friend sent me the sweetest message today and it made me so thankful. I'm one of those "mother's day and father's day is a hallmark money holiday, lets celebrate our parents everyday" type of woman. But everyone doesn't think like me: shocker!

Today I wasn’t going to write anything, but then I remembered a close friend who lost her dad recently and it hit me that this was her first year without her father. I remembered the son not speaking to his father. And I also remembered the girl who never knew her dad. 

I know there are many people out there who may have lost a father recently or years ago. To you who lost your father, never knew your father, or doesn’t speak to your father, here’s my prayer for you out there and my dear friend D:

Dear lord,

Today I pray for that person reading this,

Who on this day can only think of the loss/lack of a father

I don't know them all but you lord know every single hair on our heads so you know them all and everything about them.

 You blessed me with loved ones who pray for me, and I realize that's not the case for all, so I pray for them.

Father, I also pray for those who never had a father

Fill their hearts with love, peace, and joy

Take away anger, jealousy, and hurt from this day

Restore the love and respect between sons and fathers

Restore the love and respect between daughters and fathers

Lord they say “The first man a woman typically loves is her father…faults and all.” Help us, sons and daughters, to love our parents, faults and all.

Last lord, help us to continue to honor our fathers and mothers

On and mostly OFF the Internet

 So that we may live long like you word says.

Thank you for being our healer, redeemer, and savior.

Amen.

Treasure the memories and enjoy this day. If it means logging off social media, spending time alone, it's ok you're allowed. Just don't stay in a funk.

“The fatherless- they find their rest at the sound of your great name”- Natalie Grant

The quarter life crisis I didn’t have

"I know who I am. I love who I am. I like what I do, and I like how I do it. I like my mistakes and I like the pace at which I learn from my mistakes. I don't want to be anybody else but me, and by knowing this, I want to CONTINUE figuring out who the hell I am."- Zoe Saldana

     Recently, I celebrated a friends’ twenty-fifth and it took me back to my twenty-fifth. I always imagined the day I turn twenty-five I’d have an epiphany and it would be this amazing day: it WAS! What’s funny is, it happened way before that day came.

I flew home a week before my birthday for my best friends wedding, which was a few days before my birthday and my siblings’. On the night of the wedding rehearsal I had to attend one brother’s surprise birthday dinner, but before going I stopped at my other best friends house. We had a glass of wine, talked, laughed, and after half an hour, along with her mom we headed to my brothers’ birthday surprise.

When we arrived at the restaurant, a table full of 20+ friends and family yelled “SURPRISE!!” Oh how confused I WAS! When I realized what was going on, and that this was MY party I remembered the amazing New Year of blessings that was ahead with these beautiful souls starring at me. For an introvert I was quite the extrovert this night. I’ve never understood that dichotomy because well…I’m both- an ambivert.

“Oh, you’re twenty-five? You’re a quarter century dead”, “oh honey welcome to the quarter crisis” is all I’ve heard people say to those who turn twenty-five.  Yes, twenty-six is knocking at me but I can tell you there is something exciting about twenty-five that I can’t explain. So, to my buddy (and you) turning twenty-five:

One year on my birthday one of my brothers said to me “Today is YOUR new year, not Jan 1st, so happy new year!” That has always stuck with me. I have been through a lot of things, made mistakes and learned some harsh lessons. I’ve also made some good, crazy-in a good way-life changing decisions.

Twenty-four was a very good year but personally my most challenging year; I learned a lot about myself. I don’t do New Year resolutions or resolutions period. If you did: Be great. If you messed up: stand up until you get it right.

“One thing I know for sure - there are no lifestyle rules that come with age, my lifestyle is mine, it’s what makes me who I am and it’s not changing just because I’m another year older and it won’t change when I’m 90.”

 I hear a lot of people my age or older saying, “I should be doing this”, “my parents were well in their careers at this age”, “my friends are married, have kids…” etc. I didn’t know it was a race. Listen, what I want now is not what I’ll want in a few years, what I’ll want in a few years is not what I’ll want in 10 and so on.

One thing I admire about our times is that we can do things differently. In the past two years I have met women my age (and younger) with nonprofits, businesses, and at the top. I work and interact with some very smart and talented people; I am constantly picking their brains. Stagnation is scary, it's one of my biggest fears.

“The principle of utility. Our actions have consequences, and those consequences count. The best decisions have good consequences.”- John Mill. I know my outcome is destined to be different so my focus will be different than my parents, siblings, and friends. I want them proud of me but my passion is different and on another level.

Life is different from what our elders experienced when they were our age. Don’t compare your life to others, make good decisions and the outcome will be great. We are all on a different promise path from God, your lane is different: stay in it.  Potential time is done for me. I am at the beginning of achieving my potential; I’m in my lane.

Don’t get me wrong I still have questions; I didn’t have a birthday and figure out life. Honestly, I put pressure on myself more than anyone could. There’s more I want to learn/do, people to meet, hobbies/places to discover, etc. I’ve had some amazing experiences/internships, went to grad school, vacationed, won (and lost) music competitions, etc. but there’s more vacations, experiences, failures, doctorates…yes another degree.

I have two big questions when it comes to my purpose and me as a person. My purpose I ask: “What’s next? How do I get there and put myself on?”, “What should I read/watch to educate myself? Who should I reach out to? Or not.” These aren’t questions because I’m unsatisfied but it’s me walking into my purpose. I ask other people this too, even if I agree with them, because I want to learn.

I have some huge accomplishments to attain; my brain is on 100 all the time. I’m ok with not being where my parents/role models are but I’d like to get close. That’s a scary promise to myself but when I want something it will get done.

My last question, to me as a person, I ask: “Is this the life you want to live? Is this the person you want to love? Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More compassionate? Decide”- @thegoodquote. Wherever you are in life ask yourself questions, conclude, and act on it alone. You’re not alone just do the basics alone, and involve those that matter when its time to put in work.

Xoxo,

Laini.

"My one phrase, ten years ago"

    

Click Here

     “Si tu pouvais dire une phrase a la personne que tu etais il y a 10 ans, que lui dirais-tu?” One of my cousins, asked me this question this week: “If you could tell the person that you were 10 years ago one phrase, what would it be?” This question seems like such a simple question but it’s amazing how hard it is to answer. Even the few people who I asked couldn’t answer.  This question really made me think and I decided to get opinions from people aged 25+. Below are some of the answers I received; they may be helpful as you think about how this applies to you:

1)   “J’aurais voulu faire un Erasmus. Un voyage dans un autres pays. Pour apprendre les langues” (I would’ve done an Erasmus. A trip to another country to learn a language)- Christelle, 24

2)   “Make it count. Make everyday an opportunity that counts, because they are not promised and are taken for granted” –Chastity, 30

3)   “Don’t be afraid to walk away. Don’t waste time holding onto things and people that in 5 years you look back and just wonder ‘what was I thinking’?”-Lulu, 27

4)   “Get ready. Just get ready for life and the things that come with it. You always hear about the “real world” and college but you will never know what it’s about until you experience both”-Stephane, 24

5)   " Decide to take responsibility for your own life. In life you’re either listening to the radio or you create your own playlist- meaning when you’re listening to the radio, someone else is determining what you’re listening to but when you decide to create your own playlist you decide your attitude and can create your future”-Rickey, 26

6)   “Think before you act. I acted before thinking with a lot of decisions I made, and although they’ve made me who I am today, I think a lot of the stuff I’ve been through could have been avoided had I just stopped to think about what I should do.”- Erica, 28

7)   “Invest more into your future, try harder to be your best and take more risks”- Richie, 25

8)   “Take your own advice”- Deja, 26
9) " It's better to look back and say 'I can't believe I did that,' than to look back and say 'I wish I did that'"- Dom, 24

10)  “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. I stayed in my comfort zone a lot when I was younger. It was safer and it didn’t make me try harder. I just did the bare minimum.”- Laini, 25

     10 years ago I wouldn’t have thought ethically about any of my actions or decisions. But I do today. We can’t always control what happens to us but we can control how we react to things. Mill’s Greatest Happiness Principle focuses on happiness as the ultimate outcome. Ten years ago I didn’t focus on the outcome, not because I was being careless, I was just taking everyday one at a time- I still do to a certain extent. One person to whom I asked this question took their time getting back to me and the outcome was not what I expected- probably not what he did either. “Drae you're right, there is so much more to life than this. Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and explore, you will make it, and you're going be a better man in the future. You can live without her, and without those people who try and manipulate you. Your destiny is not tied to other people but to God alone. It's good that you went back to school even if you didn't graduate, you improved yourself, your thinking, and even the quality of your life is different because you chose to do what you needed for yourself. Drae you're going experience great hurt and loss in your life all within a 5yr span: you will lose your job, your best friend/brother, all 3 of your grandparents, your friend, and your marriage will fail. You will be setback for a few years unable to cope while on the outside no one will ever know the depth of disappointment you carry. You will become like your old self again, just angry and hurtful to people not caring about life itself. BUT God will change your situation and won't leave you broken. He will mend your heart over time; he will connect you with new friends, and great people to uplift you forming new relationships to grow in your life. The sun shines again, you’ll regain faith and happiness, and it's all for His glory and your development. Those musical dreams you're wanting right now will happen in abundance and you will have many opportunities come your way. Your love/passion for your musical gift will put you before great people. What you're praying about now comes later, don't give up... Smile everyday knowing you're on the right track, I'm proud of you!!”- Andrae, 33. 

Click Here

To you reading this, my prayer is that what God put in you be greater than what the world has set in front of you. That 10 years from now, you’re wiser, better, stronger and content. That your ultimate outcome be: happiness.        “...the ultimate end…(whether we are considering our own good or that of other people), is an existence exempt as far as possible from pain, and as rich as possible in enjoyments, both in point of quantity and quality…” (John Stuart Mill, 1863)

Xoxo,

Laini Kay.